Makeup and Animal Cruelty

Donald and I will be occupied for the next several days with moving and working, so I thought I would write a post completely unrelated to it all to tide my readers over until I can write an update. I would love to read your thoughts on the topic.

If anything, wish us well on the move!

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Animal testing is a touchy topic for me. Many important medical advancements have come from research conducted on animals. State and federal laws also require that certain consumer goods be tested on animals to make sure that they are safe for people to use. I'm not going to address these things. Instead, I want to address the testing of luxury goods on animals, namely cosmetics.

I had noticed that some of my cosmetic products have a symbol or words on them that say "Not tested on animals". It made me curious, so I went through all of the products in my makeup bag and daily routine to see whether all of them had this distinction. Finding very few, I did a little research.

I discovered that state and federal testing is not required for these products. Putting the words "Not tested on animals" is regulated, so you can trust that it is accurate. Watch our for "Final product not tested on animals" because that means that it was tested on animals at some point in the manufacturing process.

I am uncomfortable with the fact that most of my cosmetics are not cruelty free. I decided that my external beauty is not worth causing unnecessary animal suffering. There are quality cosmetics available that do not engage in animal testing. I am making the switch.

I am using my money to make a stand.

I am not a PETA member and I don't agree with many of their practices. They do, however, have a great website that lets you search for companies that do or do not test their products on animals. The list for those that do not test on animals is quite long and extensive and includes many well-known brands. You can also search for cruelty-free manufacturers of specific products.

Some of my favorite products are from cruelty-free companies:
Aveda
Bath & Body Works
Burt's Bees
Crabtree & Evelyn
M.A.C.
Revlon
St. Ives
Tom's of Maine
Wet N' Wild

Surprisingly NOT on the cruelty-free list (these products will be phased out of my collection ASAP):
Aveeno
Cover Girl
L'Oreal
Maybelline
Neutrogena
Olay

I have a choice. I'm glad I had the information to make the choice that is most in line with my values.


**Disclaimer: I am not in any way affiliated with any of the companies or websites listed above.**

Disability Awareness

My job working with rehabilitation specialists has educated me about the myths and realities about people with disabilities. In my short time in the blogosphere, I have come across quite a few people who are trying to share good information about the realities of living with disabilities and the things each of us can do to make their lives that much easier.

For example, Barbara Swafford wrote a post a while back at Blogging Without a Blog about how to make your website or blog more accessible to people with disabilities. A recent commenter on my blog, Lindsey, writes her own blog about raising five children with disabilities.

If you're following the Olympics in Vancouver this winter, you might not know that the Paralympics take place from March 12-21 in the same facilities.

I have also been seeing these wonderful ads on TV from Think Beyond the Label about promoting the hiring of people with disabilities. This ties in with my interest in helping Veterans return to "normal" life when they return from the war. Many returning Veterans have disabilities of one kind or another, and they deserve fair hiring practices that allow them to contribute to their country when they come back.

Many of us are currently buried under feet of snow. My particular city has neglected to clear most sidewalks in a high pedestrian area. Pedestrians have been killed by cars because they were walking in the street, the only place clear enough to walk. This is bad enough for those of us who can walk independently. Put yourself in the shoes of someone in a wheelchair and the problem is even more complicated. Public busses cannot get to the curb, so people using wheelchairs have a hard time getting on and off the bus. This is unacceptable, for everyone involved. Solutions are delayed by fights over who's responsibility it is to fix the problem instead of mobilizing the public to help everyone in a communal effort.

On a happier note, many companies are actively making efforts to accommodate people with disabilities. EA Games, a video game company, has taken strides to create settings that meet the needs of people with physical and developmental disabilities. EA Games has partnered with a company called VTree to do more of this kind of work in a project called Games for Good. A group called Able Gamers runs a website all about games and their accessibility highs and lows. This is a powerful group considering that one of their largest consumer bases is made up of Veterans.

As a side note, if you haven't come across Games That Give, check them out. Turn the time you spend playing games on your computer into money for your favorite charity. And it's free.

**Disclaimer: I am not in any way affiliated with the companies, events, or websites listed above.**

Blog Awards #2 and #3!

Mindy of The Suburban Life was more than generous when she awarded me not one but two blog awards last week. She has bestowed the Lemonade Award and the Best Blog Award upon me and I only hope that I continue to be worthy of such blog love.

I'm going to shamelessly copy Mindy and bestow both of these awards to the same blogs.

For the Lemonade Award:

- Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post. (check!)
- Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude. (see below)
- Link the nominees within your post. (check!)
- Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog. (check!)
- Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award. (check!)

For the Best Blog Award:
The rules for this award require me to nominate up to 15 blogs to share in my acclaim. (again, see below)

The awardees (in alphabetical order):
(1) booshy - Jessica (not Jess) is funny and open and I think just starting to embark on discovering more about who she is and what she wants to do with her life.
(2) communicatrix - Colleen is diving deep and producing wonderful, raw and honest posts about her journey.
(3) Dreamin' the Life - Karen is new to her journey as a recovering alcoholic and I love how much she shares with her readers about the struggles she encounters along the way.
(4) Ethereal Joy - Joy writes often about her process in becoming more connected to Light and God and she lives on a boat with her two kids.
(5) Joy Discovered - Jodi shares her experiences with love and life with a lovely writing style and I have learned so much from her.
(6) Just My Thoughts - Jill is so open about her exploration of her own life, raising six children, and finding her way to a more peaceful existence.
(7) Confessions of a Young Married Couple - Katie is up for Weblog of the Year and I have loved reading about her journeys through motherhood and marriage.
(8) Newlywed & Unemployed - Kate is one of my biggest supporters on my blog these days and writes wonderfully about her new marriage and her daily life experiences. Her husband, Gary, also contributes some wonderful insights into the male perspective, or as they term it, "mansight".
(9) Thinking Out Loud - Kim was one of my first supporters and she writes such amazing, creative, poignant posts about her experiences and her journey through life.
(10) Wilma's Blog - Wilma and Ann-Marie write thought-provoking and eye-opening posts, incorporating the comments from their readers into following posts, creating a strong sense of community and encouraging personal development as they share their own experiences and listen to those of others.
 
Please visit them and congratulate them on winning their awards! Thanks again to Mindy for her kindness!

My First Blog Award

Kate over at Newlywed and Unemployed gave me my first blog award yesterday, the Happy 101 Award.

The rules are:
1. List 10 things that make you happy.
2. Try to do at least one thing on the list today.
3. List 10 bloggers who brighten your day.
4. Those of you to whom I give this award are to link back to my blog and perpetuate the happy with your own lists and recipients and whatnot.

I don't normally do things like this, but it's almost a new year, so here goes:

10 things that make me happy:
1. Donald
2. My kitties purring
3. Thoughts of our future children
4. Sunshine
5. Being productive
6. Gardening
7. Eating healthy, quality food
8. Clothes that make me look good
9. Trying something new and succeeding
10. Mountains

I will have numbers 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, and 8 in my day today.

10 bloggers who brighten my day:
1. Lisis at Quest for Balance
2. Peggy at Serendipity Smiles
3. suzen at Erasing the Bored
4. Barbara at Blogging Without A Blog
5. Colleen at Communicatrix
6. Wilma at Wilma's Blog
7. Jessica at booshy
8. Kim at Thinking Out Loud
9. Tess at The Bold Life
10. Lance at The Jungle of Life

Personally, I don't have a stake in whether my 10 bloggers do this on their blog or not - I think it's a personal choice. I am happy to have given them some recognition though. They are all worth a read.

Happy Monday everyone!

An Update

Dear Readers,

I'm still here. My time devoted to blogging (and reading your lovely blogs) has decreased recently with an increased workload and the holidays.

Donald's new job is going as well as it possibly could. He is happy and excited and has energy and confidence. He is the man I married again, with added experience (is that like saying "Now, with chocolate chips!"?). I am so happy for him, for us. The long-distance part stinks.

I am so grateful that my relationship with my in-laws is so wonderful. I know that I have complained about it a little here before, so I wanted to clarify that I am beyond lucky. The love and acceptance and support that they give so freely is something I will never take for granted.

Donald and I had the opportunity to test each others' readiness for children. The day before Thanksgiving, the condom we were using broke. We looked at each other, discussed our options, and decided that we were just going to wait and see what happened. Even though I started my period two days later (no alcohol on Thanksgiving for me!), it was a wonderful experience, knowing that we had so much faith and trust in everything working out and that we are both completely ready for kids. The time will come.

My struggle with my relationship with my mom will be ongoing and I will continue to write about it here. Thank you for the support and encouragement you have given me so far. I will definitely be communicating with her and the rest of my family, with as open a heart as I can muster.

I'm also working on writing about my thoughts and observations about marriage in general. I'll be kicking off the conversation with a post on Lisis' blog Quest For Balance. I'll let you know when that happens.

My work supporting Veterans is ongoing. I hope to share my thoughts about this with all of you as well. If any of you have questions about this, please let me know. While this can be a very personal topic, please feel free to speak up, even if you don't know whether we agree or disagree.

I observed something important in the last week or two that I want to share with all of you, that I think will be touching everything I do for some time.

When you think something is impossible to fix, work backwards until you find something you have control over, and fix that. All of the little "fixes" we do will help the big thing get fixed as well.

When we recognize the negative things in our surroundings, we should take action to improve those things. Or, we should decide that those things are not important enough to fix, and then stop bringing them up. No one person can fix everything; each of us should find our niche and work within that, knowing that all of us together will address most of the world's problems. You will find what you care most about and you will make a difference.

With faith, love, and peace,

Daphne

Who Am I?

How can I figure out what I need if I don't know who I am?

There is a hole in me I have been trying to fill. I have been searching, reading, writing, thinking. Nothing fills it. I write about cowgirls and houses. I feel restless, wanting. What am I looking for? Where will I find it?

Megan "Joy Girl" guest blogged at Erasing the Bored recently, where she said,

"I’m in a relationship now with someone who respects me, wants for my happiness, has compassion, and uplifts me when I’m feeling down. He is mirror, reflecting back to me the truths I now feel about myself. As such, he’s shown me that in the last few years I’ve grown to love myself much, much more than I ever thought possible. But he’s also shown me that I have a ways to go."

Donald believes that I am whole and raises me up out of my low self-esteem haze. He can't imagine what I think might be missing. I teeter at the edge, believing that I have lost my identity, that I have no idea who I am. How do I find my way back?

Several of my favorite bloggers have posted about getting rid of clutter. I see my identity reflected in the things I own, the things that surround me. My stuff defines me because it represents my choices and tells people what is important to me. Perhaps I will uncover my identify by clearing out the clutter.

Communicatrix summed it up pretty well in this post when she said,

"So. The “why?” Well, clarity, for starters, or more clarity. Freedom, definitely. Tired of feeling bogged down by my environment, and trapped (rather than supported) by my stuff. As the piles start to dwindle, though, I get the sense that this particular stripping down is me getting ready to say, “I’m a writer; this is what I do—I write.”"

Janice at Sharing the Journey has written about this several times, too, most recently here. Dani at positively present also supports the decluttering goal.

The catch, though, is that in order to only keep what I need, I need to know what I need, so I need to know who I am. What do I think I'm missing? Do I really want to be more like that cowgirl? Do I really feel drawn to the West or is that just my imagination and romanticism talking? How do I figure out what I really need if I don't know who I am?

I'm supposed to listen to and trust that inner voice. How do I know I'm listening to the right one? Or the real one? I change my mind about projects often, throwing myself into something only to abandon it a few weeks later. I don't want to live that way. 

In an earlier review post, I talked a little about making decisions based on what I thought other people would think of me. Nadia at Happy Lotus writes in this post when she says,

"Years ago, if you were to ask me what kind of clothes I liked, I would not have been able to answer because my choices were based on what I thought I should choose."

I have done this more times than I can count. Those decisions did almost nothing to make me happy. I still often defer decisions because I have no idea what I think or want. Does this mean that I have no idea who I am?

My self talk goes downhill, saying "I am happy, but..." or "I would do this, but..." I spiral into second guessing myself. I worry about the danger of flying off and doing something spontaneous. What are the costs? What do I risk? What are the consequences?

How can I possibly make a good decision when I don't have enough information about who I am to know that I am acting with integrity?

(Have I made you dizzy yet?)

Lance at the Jungle of Life posted a Sunday quote that pulled me out of the spiral. There is so much to gain.

Evita's guest post at The Bold Life reminded me that bold steps must be taken and that it is safe to trust our inner voice.

At Quest for Balance, Lisis' favorite post of her own explained that everything I need I already have.

Peggy at Serendipity Smiles reminded me that I will not find what I am looking for outside of me. I need to look inside.

I am learning to hear my own voice. It is not a failure to be unsure of what I think about everything I encounter. Instead, it's an opportunity to learn more about who I am and can be.

The hole is gone. I am no longer spinning. I filled it with a list of things I know.

Your Turn

I have slowed down the pace of my posts recently. It has been mostly intentional rather than the result of being "too busy". I traveled last weekend and I will be traveling this weekend. Family and work are being given priority.

I have noticed that the more I feel I need to declare to myself and to my readers in my blog, the less time I have to reflect and internalize all that I am reading, thinking, and learning. So I have taken more time to mediate, to relax, to simply be.

I recently finished reading How to be Rich and Happy, so I'll be writing my final review of that here soon. I need a bit more time to let it all sink in.

I am curious about my readers and I imagine that many of you might be curious about me. Since my blog posts tend to dictate the topic of a very one-sided conversation, I'd like to open up this post as a place for you to ask questions, to tell me about yourself, to say whatever it is you'd like to say.

Picture yourself in a warm kitchen, the smell of your favorite baked good wafting from the oven, your favorite beverage in your hands, and happy, encouraging, supportive people sharing the space with you.

What would you ask? What would you share? What do you want to know?

Disclosure

In light of the new laws coming out about bloggers needing to disclose sponsorships and endorsements (Barbara Swafford has a great post about it), I want to share that I was provided with a free copy of How to be Rich and Happy by Tim Brownson, one of the authors. The free copy was provided in exchange for my review of it on my blog. There are no expectations or assumptions that my review will be anything but my honest opinion; I am not obligated to say only positive things. I get absolutely no financial gain from reviewing the book besides the value of the book itself ($97.00).

I'll be writing more about the book as I move slowly through it. Thanks for reading. I feel better now.

Slowing Down

I feel like I have been rocketing ahead trying to discover and define and decide. I have found myself resisting my own efforts to improve, like I'm putting on the brakes.

I have stopped reading and commenting on other people's blogs in the last few days. Please don't take it personally - I seem to be needing some space to simply be, to take stock of what I'm doing and what I want.

I also need time and space to think about the book I'm reading and the direction Donald and I are heading.

Donald may be hearing more news today. That's my focus for now.

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Addendum: Good news received. More in a week or so. Think happy thoughts.

More Inspiration

I updated my list of inspiring blogs in my sidebar. They are all worth visiting, often.

I keep finding new blogs to follow and new inspiration in the ones I already follow. Since I am still internalizing a lot of the things I have been learning, I'd like to take the opportunity to write about other people instead of myself.

First, I'd like to note Dani at positively present for her 14 reasons to fall in love with fall. Summer used to be my favorite season. Fall has surpassed it with flying colors (ha!) now that I know what fall can truly be. I didn't grow up with real fall and now that I experience the things Dani writes about, I join her in her enthusiasm and passion for the sense of change, the colors in the leaves, and the sounds and smells that come with autumn.

I enjoyed watching the video that Tess posted on The Bold Life under Rapping Southwest Flight Attendant. It's wonderful to witness people doing something out of the ordinary, which takes courage, and having it turn out so well that it lifts people's moods. I admire the attendant in the video for finding a way to make something very mundane exciting and new instead.

I recently discovered Urban Monk and I am really looking forward to reading and implementing the articles about Finding a Purpose and Passion in Life.

Now that I have laid out some of the changes I want to make in my life, I am happy to be reminded by Leo at Zen Habits that I should take things slowly. His post, entitled The Slow Secret: How to Make Lasting Changes in Your Life, outlines the wonderful benefits of slowing down. I have a feeling that this will help me in my goal to be in the present more often, too.

Mommy Mystic's post called LOVE- The Story of a Life, of Any Life brought me to tears with her words. Her story about her friend Matt who died at a young age is a poignant example of the way each of us can have an impact on the world by simply living our lives with love. The power of her words reminds me that even the little things matter and gives me the strength to keep going each day even if I don't accompish anything particularly noteworthy in the short-term.

I really enjoyed reading Ian's post on Quantum Learning called A world of deals and exchanges. His suggestion to try to make eye contact with people you encounter is something that I have tried to do before and it is truly surprising how difficult it can be, and how wonderful it is when you do manage to lock eyes with a stranger for a second. Our assumptions definitely get in the way of having happy exchanges with people as we maneuver through life. What can we do to act with a little more faith in humanity without feeling betrayed or endangered if our faith is returned with distrust? Maybe our positive actions will catch on.

The new blog that really jumped out for me in my exploring yesterday is Lisis' Quest For Balance. I would like to highlight three of her posts here. First, her post on Depression: The Long, Dark Road gave me some insight into what depression was/is like for her to deal with, and had me wondering what it feels like for Donald. I think he's mostly past his depression now, yet it's still good to understand what he was going through, especially if he encounters it again.

I think anyone having a bad day (or worse) can implement the suggestion to "focus on the centerline" and keep going a little longer. I'm using this idea now to get through the next couple weeks of waiting to hear news on Donald's current job prospect. Getting closer somehow makes it even harder.

Lisis also posted The Basic Needs: Just Be. This is a wonderful piece because it reminds her readers to simplify all the way back to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It has definitely helped me to focus on the basics before getting caught up with the more complex things. Amazingly, meeting basic needs often simplifies the more complicated things or shows us that those things aren't really necessary.

The final post from Lisis that caught my attention is Adventure: How to Get From Fear to Faith. I was hesitant as I started to read this post, mostly because faith means different things to different people and I wasn't sure that she would share my sense of it. I absolutely love what she writes, that "what you believe is not as important as that you believe in something." She goes on to show how this can relate to everyone, no matter their religious or spiritual level of being. I will be doing my best to implement this idea. It will help me be in the present, let go of control, be less anxious, and trust that everything will work out.

Thanks for reading! I hope you visit and enjoy each of these blogs. I'd love to hear about the ones that have impacted you and how you have implemented what you read to make a difference in your life. Thank you to each of these bloggers for contributing in such a valuable way to the blogging community!

Willingness to Fail

I have received some very wonderful feedback on my last post Self-Esteem and Making Mistakes. I feel the need to follow up on some things I said. First, I want to acknowledge some recent posts that speak to avoiding assumptions, over-analyzing, and judging.

Naveen Lakkur posted on Active Garage asking Are you diving deep into the matters? He includes a very relevant story that perfectly illustrates the dangers of judging and making assumptions. Ivan Capuzano writes How To Have New Eyes To See The World, about avoiding over-analyzation. His post gives great tips on how to see everything going on around you for what it is, without labels or analysis. Nadine Laman at First Draft also addresses the pitfalls of labeling others in her post called PC.

Okay, back to the title topic now. I realized after reading the comments from suZen and Mindy that I should probably give myself a little more credit. All of my self-esteem is not dependent upon doing everything right and being the best. It is definitely a very strong drive in me and certainly gets in the way when I consider trying something new. However, I read back through all of my blog entries thus far and found quite a lot of uplifting things. Apparently I need to listen to myself a little more.

A post on communicatrix gave me a much needed reminder that failing is part of living without fear. A willingness to fail is also a willingness to try something new, to learn from our mistakes, to improve things around us. Many of the best inventions and discoveries came from failure. Some of my best experiences recently have only happened because I was willing to do something spontaneous without knowing the outcome first. I need to take strength from the times that letting go has worked so well, proof that I do not have to be in control or prepared for every contingency.

I have had a good journey so far through my blog. I have gone from thinking that my way is to help other people handle conflict more appropriately to understanding that my way right now should be in adjusting my life and my attitude so that I can embrace whatever opportunities come my way. I need to trust that my path will become clear once I am in the right frame of mind to see it. Just typing that feels so freeing!

My posts and my blogging friends have taught me the following:
* I will soften in the face of conflict. I will address conflict. I will not place blame.
* I will do everything I can to simply be in the present, enjoying the learning process, engaged in what I am doing at that moment.
* In order to cultivate inner peace, I will relinquish control. I will accept that there are many unknowns and that I am not responsible for knowing them until they are shown to me. I will be patient.
* I deserve to be more forgiving of myself, accepting of failure, and allowed to make mistakes. I do not have to be the best at anything. I do not have to do anything right the first time. I will give myself credit when I do something right.
* I will be motivated by a desire to understand others, not by a desire to be right. I will engage in conversation with others with a willingness to be changed. I will not try to change or control others. I will be more accepting of others and not judgemental. I will be competitive with myself, and no one else.
* I will give myself permission to be open to opportunity and willing to embrace challenges. I will be more flexible and spontaneous. I might even be daring. I will stretch myself and be empowered. I will give myself realistic expectations.
* I will stop talking about it and do it; I will take action. I will listen with no agenda and no internal dialogue. I will think before I speak, and hopefully, say less.
* I will act with authenticity and integrity. I will express gratitide, compassion, humility, and grace. I will own my choices and I will choose to act in line with my values.
* I will breathe, deeply and with purpose.
* I will make progress, gradually and surely.
* I will be the best partner to Donald by being the best partner to myself.

Nadia wrote today on Happy Lotus, The Diamond In You & How You Can Never Be Threatened. This post is such a source of inspiration and encouragement to me. She writes about the importance of being present and reminds her readers that our core is perfect and cannot be threatened. It is up to us to uncover our cores, to remove the detritus of issues and struggle and to allow ourselves to shine the way we were intended to do. Her words give me the permission I need to follow my heart and not my mind, to free myself from the past and not worry too much about the future.

Thank all of you for your help along the way. I look forward to more kitchen conversations with friends.

Present

I have decided that the next step in my self-improvement process is going to be increasing my focus on being in the present. Impressively, many others have written about the same topic recently.

Zen Habits included a guest post by Mary Jaksch called Survive and Thrive: How to Transform Anxiety into Inspiration. While I don't find myself dealing with high levels of anxiety most days, not being present is a source of anxiety because of the focus on things we have no control over. She has several suggestions for how to deal with anxiety. My favorite is "practice meditation". While I do not meditate, this suggestion reminded me of breathing as practiced in yoga, an exercise I have found quite calming and transforming. Her encouragement to do this for three minutes several times a day is completely achievable. I will start this today.

A second recent post on Zen Habits called 8 Ways Doing Less Can Transform Your Work & Life touched on a similar theme and directed its readers towards simplifying their lives in order to be able to focus on the present more clearly. It is so easy to over-commit and get caught up in the multitude of things around us. We pride ourselves on being able to multitask six things at once. We have no idea what we might be missing. What worries me most is that these simplifying goals come across as though they are a luxury, when instead, they should probably be as essential as food, water, and shelter for a quality peace of mind. The most important part of the post for me is this: "Change gradually, but surely."

5 simple ways to cultivate inner peace on positively present showcased the International Day of Peace and connected the desire for international peace with the need to gain peace within ourselves. She wrote, "We don't have world peace because too many people lack inner peace. There isn't peace in the world because many people aren't at peace with themselves." I think that this is quite profound, especially because in many ways, it makes world peace seem that much more attainable if each of us really do have a role to play. Her first way of cultivating inner peace is through a focus on the present, thus avoiding inner conflict over the past and the future.

One of the best ways to be in the present is through laughter. The Jungle of Life posted about this in Laughter Revisited. Coincidentally, Donald and I experienced this on Sunday night. We had been out to dinner with his family and he was feeling somewhat giddy from the wine and the company and was in a silly mood. We had turned the light out and were settling in when my phone rang. It was my mom, so I took the call and chatted with her in the dark for a few minutes. When I got off the phone, I leaned back down towards my pillows and banged my head into the wall behind me.

Donald had removed my pillows and in the dark I had no reference point for the location of the wall. My first reaction was "ouch". A split second after that, when it dawned on me why I had hit the wall instead of my pillows, I raged, "You moved my *$^# pillows!" Donald pulled me into his arms and I fumed, giving into my anger and shooting daggers at him in the dark. A second or two later we were giggling helplessly. We didn't stop giggling for fifteen minutes, even after settling in again and trying to fall asleep.

Giggling like that with Donald was a moment of complete abandon. We were both completely in the present, together. Our laughter made everything negative disappear from the room. If that is what being in the present is like, bring it on!

Ripples

A blog is like a pebble tossed into a pond. It begins as a single point. Upon contact with the water, the impact generates ripples, growing ever wider and more expansive, touching things the pebble never touched.

When I started this blog less than two months ago, I barely hoped that someone would read it besides me. Donald doesn't even read it; he knows that if I need to say something to him, I'll do it directly, not through this.

Eventually, I commented on a few blogs I found interesting and their authors returned the favor. My first comment was so exciting! I felt like I had progressed from the single point to the first ripple.

In the past few days, after visiting many new blogs and commenting on some of them, I am overjoyed at the reciprocal response. My community feels like it is growing and I am inspired by what I have found.

I love the image Janice conjured up in her comment when she said, "It's like visiting someone's kitchen and finding friends already at the table!" I am blessed to have such supportive and giving people reading my words and sharing their thoughts.

I would like to return the favor by writing about several posts that hit home for me. I have been thinking about them constantly over the past few days. Perhaps more than a coincidence, I have also been struggling at work this week, striving to be valued for the quality work I do and not for the number of hours I sit in my office. It is a work in progress and all of your words have helped me emerge with hope instead of defeat.

A few days ago, I mentioned Tess' post from The Bold Life, called Notice Anything? When I read it earlier this week, I was suddenly and uncontrollably brought to tears. Her conclusion reads: "If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made…How many other things are we missing?" Since reading her post, I have tried to make a point of raising my head when I walk down the street. I have tried to slow down and to remove too many scheduled things from my day. I have made a mental note to myself to pause and to reflect and to be.

Several of the blogs I read had timely posts about struggling with the work/career/happiness balance. Nadia at Happy Lotus wrote about "Working for Good". I have written about my struggle with the workplace and with the fact that I have not yet held a job I loved. Nadia's post gave me the much needed motivation to keep moving towards that goal and not to settle. Lance at The Jungle of Life wrote Happy Work, a post of support for those of us struggling to find the energy to get to work each day. I love his suggestion to "Be the happiness you wish to see in this world!"

Other blogs wrote recently about the best ways to respond to the world around us. 101 Smackdowns for Your Inner Critic posted First Response: Soften, which describes a Tai Chi movement and the best way to react. The author says, "When you soften, you remember what you need, and you remember what you have (which of course is all you need)." Megan at It's All About Joy! wrote Giving Our All, about avoiding kneejerk reactions. Her acknowledgement of wanting to change her life and stop being "Caught up in my head to such an extent that many days I couldn't get out of my own way, even if I had an army of people helping me" definitely hit home for me.

A couple of other blogs take it one step further and encourage readers to take control of themselves in order to improve their lives. Tess on The Bold Life in It's All About You and Karl at Karl Blog in Learning to Let Go both touch on this idea. Karl's post leads his readers through the steps to feeling emotion, controlling how we express that emotion, and how to turn it into something productive and positive. I definitely need to practice letting go.

One of my hardest challenges for letting go will be something Janice writes about on Sharing the Journey in Life Laundry...revisited. I left a comment on her blog and she responded with wonderful suggestions about how to simplify one's life by reducing clutter. I may have quite an opportunity when Donald and I move into a place of our own (someday) since most of our belongings are in storage in his parents' basement. I am looking forward to creating a physical embodiment of the changes I have been making in my life.

What will the next ripple bring?

Inspiring Blogs

I just discovered a whole lot of new blogs to follow and I wanted to acknowledge one in particular that really moved me.

I still haven't quite figured out why, so I'll need to revisit this again after I have let it float around in the back of my mind for a while.

Tess posted Notice Anything? on The Bold Life.

I encourage you to read it. I will definitely be revisiting her blog.

Evangelist

I am proud of myself so far. I have almost removed "but" from my conversations and writing. I listen to myself more carefully now. I try to be present in every conversation. I am practicing things I value.

My biggest hurdle seems to be a very strong desire to be right. It comes out when I interject myself into someone else's story. It becomes obvious when I tell Donald a story full of judging others. It is impossible to ignore when I say or think that my purpose in life is to help other people improve.

How arrogant is that?

Donald made an important point to me yesterday. As I'm sure you have noticed, I reference a particular book and a particular author all the time. I gave copies to members of my family for Christmas. It shows up in many of my conversations. He asked me to consider for a moment how it would sound if I replaced the name of that book with The Bible and the name of that author with God. I screeched to a halt.

I never intended to evangelize. I hope that my posts have simply been a sounding board for my journey of self-discovery and that they have not come across as a mantra for living that everyone should follow. Preaching at people is never something I thought I would do, so if I have come across that way previously, it stops now.

No one likes to be told that what they are doing is wrong. No one likes to be made to feel inferior or less than equal. If I have made any of you feel that way, I apologize.

Donald encouraged me to focus on living my values rather than talking about my values. My personal success does not rely on changing someone else. It only depends on me. This does not mean that my "way" needs to be a secret. My way will only work for me, just as someone else's way will only work for them. Sharing my way would imply that someone else's is wrong. It's also incredibly self-centered. I do it this way. Me. Me. Me.

Despite the ugliness of arrogance, I struggle with the idea of not sharing. My journey has depended very much on learning from others, considering their way and deciding whether it would help me. I would never have found their stories or experiences if they had not shared them with the world. The point, perhaps, is that I sought out their knowledge and their experiences, they were not forced on me. No one made me consider their ideas, I chose to consider them. That choice makes all the difference.

Does this mean that we should only share our opinions when asked? Or that everyone who expresses a personal preference on Facebook or Twitter is trying to change me? Am I writing this blog as a form of self-aggrandizement?

I would agree that there are many people who use various forms of social media as a soap box to proclaim their beliefs in order to get other people to agree with them or to change their ways. I would also argue that our willingness to speak our minds in a public way creates a dynamic and potentially innovative dialogue about what we think in a very diverse and collective way. Those who resonate most with their readers are probably the ones who present their opinions or experiences in a way that makes the readers feel good and inspires them. It's really about the way in which the sharing is conveyed.

I would like to believe that many people share personal things in a public way because they want feedback, they want community, they want to consider many perspectives in order to enhance their individual journey. Maybe they want a little validation, to know that they are not alone in the universe, that even though everyone has their own way of living their lives, there are still shared experiences and voices of support out there.

Why do you write/share? What qualities attract you to someone else's writing? What qualities turn you off?

Recession Blog

Just a quick post to mention the blog I most recently started following. It's called Recession-Fabulous and is a shared blog with several writers contributing (in addition to maintaining their own individual blogs). The content includes discussions about clothing, school supplies, food, and entertainment. The writing is clever and witty, and seems to find a balance between being realistic and supportive at the same time.

I'll be watching this one from now on.