Thursday, December 3, 2009

An Update

Dear Readers,

I'm still here. My time devoted to blogging (and reading your lovely blogs) has decreased recently with an increased workload and the holidays.

Donald's new job is going as well as it possibly could. He is happy and excited and has energy and confidence. He is the man I married again, with added experience (is that like saying "Now, with chocolate chips!"?). I am so happy for him, for us. The long-distance part stinks.

I am so grateful that my relationship with my in-laws is so wonderful. I know that I have complained about it a little here before, so I wanted to clarify that I am beyond lucky. The love and acceptance and support that they give so freely is something I will never take for granted.

Donald and I had the opportunity to test each others' readiness for children. The day before Thanksgiving, the condom we were using broke. We looked at each other, discussed our options, and decided that we were just going to wait and see what happened. Even though I started my period two days later (no alcohol on Thanksgiving for me!), it was a wonderful experience, knowing that we had so much faith and trust in everything working out and that we are both completely ready for kids. The time will come.

My struggle with my relationship with my mom will be ongoing and I will continue to write about it here. Thank you for the support and encouragement you have given me so far. I will definitely be communicating with her and the rest of my family, with as open a heart as I can muster.

I'm also working on writing about my thoughts and observations about marriage in general. I'll be kicking off the conversation with a post on Lisis' blog Quest For Balance. I'll let you know when that happens.

My work supporting Veterans is ongoing. I hope to share my thoughts about this with all of you as well. If any of you have questions about this, please let me know. While this can be a very personal topic, please feel free to speak up, even if you don't know whether we agree or disagree.

I observed something important in the last week or two that I want to share with all of you, that I think will be touching everything I do for some time.

When you think something is impossible to fix, work backwards until you find something you have control over, and fix that. All of the little "fixes" we do will help the big thing get fixed as well.

When we recognize the negative things in our surroundings, we should take action to improve those things. Or, we should decide that those things are not important enough to fix, and then stop bringing them up. No one person can fix everything; each of us should find our niche and work within that, knowing that all of us together will address most of the world's problems. You will find what you care most about and you will make a difference.

With faith, love, and peace,



  1. This is lovely, Daphne! It's great to see you again, and I'm so glad things are going well with Donald's job (I love the chocolate chips thing!).

    I'm hoping to post something this Friday, so maybe by Tuesday or so we'll be ready to start the big marriage talk. All the current press about Tiger brings several issues right into the forefront, doesn't it?

    Take Care, Beautiful!

  2. Lisis - It feels so good to keep in touch with my readers! I'm looking forward to starting this marriage conversation with you! And yes, current events will always show us the need for this conversation. You take care, too, Gorgeous!

  3. Daphne, My first thought was the "new" and "improved" Donald. You know how they slap that sticker on, even though it's been out for awhile? LOL.
    I am glad things are going well, and amidst a scare, you discover faith in yourselves. I am sure you will be excellent parents when the time comes.
    Take care, and I look forward to your marriage talk.

  4. Yeehaw...Daphne! Sounds like things are really starting to come together for you and I'm very happy about that! There is nothing like a "an apparent accident" to test the waters of a relationship and it sounds like you two passed that test. =)

  5. Angelia - That's a great mental image, Donald covered in stickers. :) The part about the "scare" that was so striking to both of us was that we were both so calm. It didn't feel like a scare at all and we trusted that if it was supposed to happen, it would. Thank you so much for the faith in our parenting skills.

    Mindy - It is amazing how many things come together when one thing (Donald's job) changes. We definitely surprised ourselves with the "accident" experience and it is so wonderful to have our faith in each other and in things working out so clearly affirmed. Thanks for the support!

  6. Hi Daphne...

    Loved your insight on the impossible. For me, I adopted the NFL tagline from like 7 years ago..."Impossible is a Negotiation."

    I do find when I'm doing something new or that seems "impossible" I find what I know and work from there...

    Glad things are going super in your life right now!

  7. Peggy - I like that tagline! It can be so easy to get caught up in thinking that something is impossible to fix, so I like to look at the things I have control over that contribute to a bigger solution. Thanks so much for your support.

  8. Hi Daphne!
    I love your twist on trying to fix things backwards - you are so right! There are really times I've gone backwards in an attempt to see where I could remedy something. Also I think it's important to know, as you said, we cannot fix everything! The older I get, the less I tend to try to fix things - so much of that is a waste of time I just deal with it and move on! That Beattles song "Let it Be" plays in my head a LOT!

  9. Wow. Daphne, you are such a gifted writer. Congratulations on your husband's new job. It is beyond wonderful to read that he is the man you married again--with chocolate chips even! I hope things begin to settle in your life and that the coming year holds a lot of magic for you.

    Your advice at the end about working backwards to fix things--or deciding that the problem isn't important enough to fix, is really good.

    Thank you for sharing all of this. It all warmed my heart. xo, Jodi

  10. suZen - Thank you! I realized how important it is to pick one's battles and I'm glad that others have found that to be true for them too. Your comment got "Let it Be" stuck in my head! :)

    Jodi - Thank you so much for your compliment and congrats and well wishes. I'm glad my advice came across the way I intended - sometimes I worry that my words are too harsh. Your warmed heart warms mine in return.

  11. I'm glad things are looking up :)

    I hope you've had a good week so far.


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