Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Patience and Waiting

When is it time to stop being patient? When is it time to stand up for ourselves and make different choices instead?

We have been so patient. Donald has been in touch with this company since August. Interviews have been successful. Feedback has been positive. An offer hovers perpetually just out of reach.

The rollercoaster trundles on, through frustration, hope, anger, excitement. We're starting to feel taken for granted, our patience feels abused.

We have been asked to wait a little longer. I'm not sure we should.

There are so many explanations why things have taken as long as they have. I'm not sure they matter.

We are so tired of waiting. Other things have been going wrong lately too. I'm wondering whether the problems we are encountering are a sign that we are on the wrong path.

Is it time to stop waiting? Even if it means a job for Donald in the next few months, should we start down a different road and abandon this one? Is the universe trying to tell us something?

What do we lose by staying the course? What do we risk by giving it up? What might we gain by trying something else? Our futures are riding on these questions.

Do the setbacks tell us that our perseverence will pay off if we just hang on a little longer? Or do they tell us to abandon ship? I'm not sure I know the answer.

Here we come, faith. We need your help.


  1. Daphne,

    Having been on both sides of the interview roller coaster, I would say there comes a point when you can reasonably push the envelope. If they have made you wait this long, you can let them know that if you are going to continue to hold out for this position, you have to, at the very least, know the time frame they are prepared to meet. You can push a little harder and give THEM a timeline--and let them know that you want the position very much, but can't keep holding out without an end in sight.
    I think that waiting this long is a lot to ask of anyone. Taking a stronger position is sometimes good to wake people up.
    If they are really interested, they will step up. If you pushing gets a negative response, they probably weren't going to follow through anyway.
    Just my two cents, but, i think waiting in limbo like that hurts your self esteem--a little wait is normal, but when it starts torturing you, it may be better to lose this one and move on.

  2. Daphne -
    I completely agree with Kim. It is a scary prospect to "rock the boat" per se, but it could also be a necessary step toward getting the answers you seek. Good luck with this decision!

  3. Kim - I really appreciate your advice. Donald is moving forward with some pushing and I think it's working. I completely agree about the self-esteem toll it can take. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement!

    Mindy - Thank you for your support and luck! It is definitely time to push for answers. I'll keep you posted!

  4. I agree with Kim as well. Listen to your gut and don't allow someone else's time frame to hyjack your own ambtitions. Stay the course and keep building relationships as they will support you in ways never imagined.

  5. Susan - Thank you so much for the encouragement. It's definitely time for us to step in to move things forward. I really appreciate your comment.

  6. Hey there, I wandered onto your blog because my in-laws are named Donald and Daphne (not too common these days) so I thought I stop by. Sorry to hear you all are hitting rough waters. Remember, this too shall pass. Best of luck on the job search. You're definitely not alone!

  7. Theresa - Thanks so much for stopping by and for commenting! I appreciate your encouragement and luck. Our fingers are crossed. (I like your blog!)

  8. I wish you luck too. We have been in a similar position ourselves, and in many ways, this is how I feel about writing now. I keep waiting and wondering if I'm being too naive for my own good.

  9. Mary - Thank you for the luck! I'm sorry to hear that you are in a similar position and I'm glad to know that we have found each other for support. Sometimes it feels like we're being to well-behaved, that we need to throw our weight around perhaps to get the answers we seek. Best of luck to you too!

  10. Hi Daphne,

    I haven't read through all the comments, but if Daniel doesn't have a solid offer letter in hand, he needs to be interviewing, interviewing, and more interviewing. Even in a crappy economy, you want to position yourself on the hill so to speak. Having multiple job offers gives Daniel the abilitiy to make a better choice and negotiating power.

    In 2002, when the IT bubble officially exploded in a pile of gak, I had 4 jobs offers. One of them offered me a job without even meeting me. And the IT market was saturated with thousands of the newly unemployed. Job fairs were claustrophic.

    Keep interviewing.

  11. Peggy - Thanks for the advice. We have decided to wait until Monday. If nothing happens by then, it's back to applications and interviewing. I appreciate your input!

  12. Daphne, sending good vibes and thoughts that the answer comes clear and the company makes a decision.

    I hate that ya'll are so on the fence. I know how hard that is!

    Hang tough, usually if I pray earnestly asking for wisdom and peace things get much better.

  13. Angelia - Thank you so much for the support and suggestions. It helps just knowing that people in my blogging community care about what happens to us. I'm definitely praying and crossing my fingers and toes!

  14. Daphne,
    I think you may be patient even as you "stand up for yourselves". You can be waiting on the Universe's timing even as Donald keeps looking for a job. When the Universe tells you something it is usually loud and clear, so if you are questioning, the answer is there, you may just be unable or not ready to hear it yet. When the right door opens it will be very obvious. Good luck to you both as you work through this frustrating situation!

  15. Joy - I think you're right, that it can be a balance, that we can both wait and look. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement.

  16. Hi Daphne,
    I agree with Peggy that continuing to interview is key. Multiple offers would be a good thing. Mostly I wanted to just lend support and let you know I read your frustrations and anxst loud and clear. I'm rooting for you and you both are in my thoughts. Hang in there...

  17. Jodi - Multiple offers would be an amazing thing. Thank you so much for your support and happy thoughts.

  18. I guess my first question would be...Is this a job worth fighting for?

    If you and your husband really think this is the right job for him, then I agree with the others to go ahead and do a bit of pushing. If they're not going to offer it, at least you'd find out.

    I hope this is resolved soon and that the resolution is the right one for the two you:~)

  19. Sara - That's a really good question to consider. At this point, we think it is, which is why we have waited so long so far. Thank you so much for your well-wishes. I'll be updating soon, hopefully.

  20. Hi Daphne - My OH is in a similar position to Donald. I would say, instead of waiting, he should keep looking.

    My OH had two interviews with an International company. The person who was making the final decision was on holiday. But the recruitment agency told him the job was definitely his and he just had to wait for her to return and complete the formal paperwork.

    So, he waited and stopped looking for other work. The woman returned from holiday and asked him to go to a third interview. It was there that she dropped the bombshell that someone else had applied for the job in the meantime and she was considering them as well.

    A few days later OH received a call from the agency to say that the company had recruited someone internally instead.

    He felt so let down. and he'd wasted a month not looking because he really believed the job was his.

  21. Hey Daphne,

    Thought I'd drop by to say hi when I found out there's another Daphne blogging somewhere! Lovely site, and you write so honestly and movingly about yourself and Donald. Glad to see your Twitter update that he has a stable position until March. Sometimes we just have to keep going a day, week or month at a time. Hope everything works out for you.

  22. Cath - I am so sorry your OH had such an awful outcome after waiting so patiently. It is so hard to know what is the right thing to do, sometimes. Have you had any luck since then? Is there anything I can do to help?

    Daphne - So nice to meet a fellow Daphne (even though mine's a pseudonym)! Thanks so much for saying hello and for your wonderful compliments. I'll be writing with more information about Donald's outcome soon. I appreciate your support!


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