Supporting Military Families

My new job has me connected with the most amazing momentum I have ever experienced when it comes to instigating positive change.

On Monday, January 24, the President, First Lady and Mrs. Biden announced a Presidential Initiative called "Strengthening Our Military Families: Meeting America's Commitment". This initiative will leverage the resources of the federal government to meet military family needs across the board. If you want to watch the announcement, go here.

Then yesterday, Thursday, January 27, the First Lady appeared on Oprah, evolving this initiative from a government effort to a community effort, asking every American to figure out what they can do to support the 1% of Americans who are shouldering the burden of protecting our country.

This is not about whether you agree with the wars or not. This is about whether you support the families that sacrifice alongside their soldiers, whether they are active duty, guard or reserve, Veterans or fallen.

Several phrases have stuck out for me this week as I have listened and watched these stories unfold. First, is the wonderfully alliterative "service, strength, and sacrifice" that our military personnel and their families live every day. Second, President Obama said that when he visited the troops in Afghanistan last month and asked them what he could do to help them, they said "Take care of our families." And third, the First Lady said on Oprah, "I suck it up" when she is having a bad day or feeling sorry for herself and remembers that military families are enduring so much without complaint.

Do you know the military families in your community? Do you know someone who is currently serving or deployed? Do you know how to help?

There is a wave of service-oriented action sweeping our nation and assisting our military families is one way of participating. Be the instigator in your community. Find out what your community is doing to support them and get involved. Let me know if I can do anything to help.

An Open Letter to The Pioneer Woman

Dear Ree,

I am desperately envious of your life on a ranch, to the point that reading your blog makes me sad and desperate.

My biggest fear is that my fantasy of living on a ranch is not really what I believe it to be and that if I take this giant leap to move out West and figure out how to make it real, that I will be sorely disappointed.

Your website makes me believe that ranch life is all I imagine it would be (although in my version there are no calf nuts or cattle - it's not a working ranch that I seek). Your photos of horses and wide open land and big skies make me ache with longing. I desire the dirt, the hard work, the early mornings, the elegantly simple and functional ranch buildings. With every fiber of my soul, I want that life.

Is it possible for me to find what I seek? If not, please tell me now and put me out of my misery. I would rather know the truth and let this happy dream die than to move my husband and our dog and cats to the middle of nowhere for something that doesn't exist.

I guess I'm asking you for some kind of certainty, which I know you cannot give.

The dreams in my head stem from growing up in southern California, always wanting horses in my life and never quite figuring out how to make it happen. As you know, suburban life has plenty of distractions and I had a generally happy childhood. I went far from home to college and grad school, married my best friend who I met in college, and have finally settled into a career that I love. I make time for Western riding lessons and yoga once a week. We don't have any children yet.

You would think we would be happy. And yet… we are restless.

We dream of open spaces, mountains in the distance, big sky, and horses. Owning land. Riding the fence perimeter and weathering storms.

Our dreams seem to be in stark contrast with "real life". Where do we work, where do our kids go to school, where do we buy groceries? Will we have an internet connection? How far do we want to be from an airport?

And the fear creeps in. Can we handle this? Will our families think we're crazy? Is this a responsible course of action? What happens if we fail? How can we possibly afford to do something so risky? Can we afford it at all?

And yet, I continue to dream.

I dream of a home for my family. A place that encourages exploration and asking questions. A place that is modern and rustic at the same time, balancing access to technology and a reminder of our roots. A place where my children can learn and be challenged and will be prepared to contribute to improving their community on whatever scale they choose. A place where my husband and I can stretch and grow and learn more about each other. A place where we feel free.

I dream of the kind of place others want to call their home too. A place that has lots of visitors, people who come to get away from it all for a day, a week, or two. A place where they can walk for miles and see no one, where they can ride horses, a place where they can eat hearty, healthy food that tastes like home but better. A place where they can choose to spend their time in solitary retreat in their sunny and comfortable room, or where they can join in board games, puzzles, and other group activities with other visitors. A place where they are treated like family and where they feel whole. A place where they feel free.

I dream of a place that is a home for my soul. A place surrounded by open land, mountains, and horses. A place with dramatic thunderstorms, snowy winters, and breath-taking life. A place where a pick-up truck is used on a daily basis to haul things the way it was meant to. A place where cowboy boots are the footwear of choice and necessity. A place where four-footed friends are as common as two-footed friends. A place where I can sit and gaze as far as I can see, watching storms roll in, watching the wild herds running, crows feet gathering in the corners of my eyes from the sights and the smiles this place brings me. A place where I feel free.

Please, either tell me that this is possible and show me the way to achieve it, or tell me that it doesn't exist so I can find some way to be happy with a suburban life. I need to know.

Sincerely,
Daphne

Happy New Year!

Dear Readers,

Thank you so much for returning to my blog after my long absence. I have some very happy updates to share with all of you.

I landed my dream job working for the nonprofit I've been volunteering with for three years connecting Veterans and their families to free mental health professionals. They called me on my birthday (Veteran's Day) and offered me a job. I started with them on January 3 and I'm working from home. I am SO happy. I'm working on a new initiative that is basically community organizing around Veterans and their families. It's such a wonderful project and I'm thrilled to be a part of it.

Life is good here in Pennsylvania. Our dog and two cats are doing well. We're still living in an apartment, but we're seeking our first home, which is very exciting. My husband is enjoying his job and making the most of his opportunities at his company. We're still on the road to starting a family.

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in September, so I've been on thyroid medication to sort that out, which seems to be working well. I actually have to make sure that I eat extra calories to maintain my weight - a fate many would love to have!

I've been seeing a counselor to help me with my depression. The thyroid situation contributed to my down days, so now they are less frequent. Donald has been so supportive and understanding and I don't know what I would do without him.

I'm still doing yoga and I started taking Western horseback riding lessons, which make me so happy. It's like my soul is lighter and freer.

Everything is truly falling into place. Thank you for continuing along this journey with me.

Truly,
Daphne

Ups and Downs

Some things have really been going my way lately. And yet, today is definitely a down day. I woke up feeling discontented and anxious, grumpy and annoyed.

I received a clean bill of health from two doctors this week, definitely a happy thing. I felt good earlier this week. I felt like things were falling into place, like I had clearance to move forward with my life again. I felt good about continuing towards starting our family.

A house came on the market that our realtor emailed us about. We're seeing it this weekend. It could be really awesome. I keep trying to picture us in a home instead of our somewhat cramped apartment. I also know that we don't have nearly enough saved yet for the down payment we want to make, and even though we could get a house for less down, we cannot afford the monthly payments if we do that. And so we wait.

Donald has been really frustrated lately with his job and his career. He has a very leadership based personality and loves to be in charge and to direct forward progress. He's very good at it, too. So it's frustrating to him that he doesn't have that much control over his career path right now. And it's frustrating to him that he isn't making a salary on par with his education and experience. Especially when we know that more money could put us into a house sooner.

I really want a guest room. And a yard.

And then I feel selfish and ungrateful. We both have jobs, and in this tough economic time, that is huge. We have a safe and comfortable place to live. We have a great marriage and we make a great team. We have two wonderful cats and an awesome (although sometimes pushy) dog. We have a good social life. We eat well and we're healthy.

That is so much good. Why aren't we happy with that?

Donald is also impatient. He feels like he's constantly moving toward better things and never arriving at them. I try to help him see that he has choices about how happy he is with what we have now. He only sees compromise and giving up his dreams. I have been where he is. I hope he can find a way to be happy now without giving up the dreams of the things he wants for himself and for us and for our family. It's a really hard thing to do.

My discontent is not connected to what we don't have yet. Instead, it seems to be more connected to a sense of disconnect, of floating, of not knowing what I want out of life. I don't feel rooted, even though my weekly yoga practice encourages rootedness so strongly. I try to remember to plant my feet and reach for the sky with my hands, like a tree, but as I do, I worry that my feet aren't planted in the right place and that what I'm reaching for isn't actually something I want.

I get in this place where things I have been absolutely, positively sure about are no longer clear to me. Like having a family. Like what I want out of my career. Like what I want to be doing with my time. And while these might seem like normal questions, they arrive in the context of wondering why we do any of these things, why I am here, what I am supposed to do with my life that will give it any meaning.

The silly part is that I have an important role in my job. My daily activities are appreciated and needed. They are at home as well, and Donald does a wonderful job of telling me how much he appreciates and loves me. Somehow that doesn't help. I don't see how my actions or activities matter in the big picture. I don't see any lasting change. I don't see a reason for being.

Before you get worried, I am not suicidal. I do not think of ending my existence. I simply float, from hour to hour, day to day, wondering where the meaning is. Wondering how I can regain my happiness, when I can see the world for the good things and feel like I have a place in it.

I feel like such a drama queen. Like I should knock it off, stop indulging these feelings and get back to reality.

I'm calling a counseling service provided by my employer this weekend. Maybe that will help. I know I need some guidance. Thanks for reading.

What's the Point?

I ask myself this question more and more often these days.

What is the point? Why am I spending my time the way I do? What am I really trying to accomplish?

I have lost interest in some things I used to enjoy very much.

I get easily frustrated and emotional when things don't work out the way I want them to. For example, Donald and I spent two hours in the car trying to run an errand, but because of traffic, we had to turn around empty handed. By the time we got home, I was in tears.

I get excited about things, like a trip to Europe with Donald I'm trying to plan, but then I lose all interest, feeling like it's probably a waste of money or that our family planning might get in the way or that we won't be able to take time off work to make the trip worthwhile.

So what's the point in trying?

I know how blessed my life is and I know that I should be feeling grateful for what I have.

But sometimes I don't. Sometimes I just don't know why I get out of bed in the morning. I feel purposeless.

I know I am loved and I know that people care about me. I try to smile and keep my head up.

But sometimes I'd rather cry until I am empty.

If I knew what was wrong, maybe I could move forward. Maybe I could say, ok, this is the hand I have been dealt, now I can figure out how to keep living. But I don't know what is wrong. I don't have the information I need.

So I float, in limbo, on automatic, until I find a way to bring some light back into my life.

I'm not unhappy, I tell Donald. I'm just not happy.