tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6706622696479155515.post7806898022040286805..comments2011-01-16T11:38:53.549-05:00Comments on Daphne and Donald: Distance and DistantnessDaphnehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17331081210249384572noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6706622696479155515.post-79509018761595013882010-02-04T08:14:20.885-05:002010-02-04T08:14:20.885-05:00suzen - It has helped to write things out. I think...suzen - It has helped to write things out. I think that knowing that I have shared it with the world, I feel more accountable to learning from my experiences. I do trust that Donald and I will get better about reading each other. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and for encouraging us to keep moving forward.<br /><br />Kate - I agree that changing and growing together is important. Separation is a really interesting thing when it comes to relationships. Donald and I spent two years of our dating life a five-hour drive apart from each other and I think that taught us how to stay in touch and to grow without growing apart. Keep in mind, too, that some people who live together still grow apart, so it's not always the fault of distance.<br /><br />I love what you said about plunging someone into the middle of a conversation you're having in your head. I do this so much and Donald can often tell that I'm being particularly thoughtful and wants to know what I'm thinking about. Sometimes taking thoughts out of the oven before they are baked all the way through can be disastrous. I'm glad I'm not the only one.<br /><br />I'd love to keep chatting with you about how things go with Gary's military separation times. Based on what I've been reading on your blog, I think you're both well-equipped to handle it. Thanks so much for your comment!Daphnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17331081210249384572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6706622696479155515.post-48797962261282167532010-02-02T21:34:50.579-05:002010-02-02T21:34:50.579-05:00Y'know.. the biggest thing I fear about Gary&#...Y'know.. the biggest thing I fear about Gary's military career is the separation. I've always believed that one of the keys to a successful relationship was to change and grow Together. I fear that if we were separated for long, we'd outgrow one another. We'd change to the point we hardly recognized each other.<br /><br />I also struggle now and then with plunging someone into the middle of a conversation I've been having in my head. Especially if it's a confrontation of any kind because I've had to psych myself up and I am Ready To Go all at once in a tumbling hurry.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6706622696479155515.post-37922999538369870182010-02-01T17:23:22.445-05:002010-02-01T17:23:22.445-05:00Hi Daphne! I hope you found some comfort in writi...Hi Daphne! I hope you found some comfort in writing all this out - I know it is painful. I have volumes (journals) of what I call my hind-sight - how easily we "get it" afterwards, eh? It's all meant to teach us how to live with one another. My husband had an imaginary "Bitch-o-meter" he said was in the garage - he paused to see what the reading was before coming in the door. Smart man. I was home with 2 screaming kids all day - godonlyknows what he'd walk into. I also employed imaginary duct tape on my mouth (came in handy when the kids were teens too!) and I would try to "read" him before opening my mouth. <br /><br />None of this happened overnight but resulted from experiences like yours and Donald's. Just thought I'd share that.<br />Hugs<br />suZenSusan Blakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06755153568864508986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6706622696479155515.post-72494592655424134662010-02-01T08:39:11.168-05:002010-02-01T08:39:11.168-05:00Peggy - I appreciate you going back and catching u...Peggy - I appreciate you going back and catching up on what I have written, that means a lot to me and I like knowing that you're getting the whole picture, not just whichever post happens to be at the top. Thank you for doing that. Donald and I definitely hope to keep being brave and making mistakes together.<br /><br />Mindy - I think you're right, that distantness happens in all relationships at one point or another. We do try our best to avoid shutting down when that happens. Thank you so much for the support!<br /><br />Wilma - It is amazing how easy it is to be distracted from what is happening, even when we think that we are being open and present. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.Daphnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17331081210249384572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6706622696479155515.post-41275415355736391132010-01-31T22:59:26.295-05:002010-01-31T22:59:26.295-05:00Hi Daphne,oh how our pre-occupations can lead us a...Hi Daphne,oh how our pre-occupations can lead us away from what is really going on. <br />You wanting to make a difficult dinner and wanting to talk straight away and he just wanting to have a quiet home coming and re-adjust, get his feet so to speak. <br />It is good to look back and see what happened and talk about it and get to what happened rather than making things up. It is all learning from experience and trying things out until you know what works when he comes home AND also what works in a relationship full stop. <br />Talking is good, keep checking if you are not going off on a tangent on your own is so important.<br />Love WilmaWilma Hamhttp://www.wilmasblog.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6706622696479155515.post-82563904476005779242010-01-31T01:28:36.610-05:002010-01-31T01:28:36.610-05:00My husband and I have certainly had our fair share...My husband and I have certainly had our fair share of "distanceness." Quite honestly, I think it's entirely unavoidable. The important thing is to recognize its happening and resolve to change what can be changed to bring things back around to a healthy place. Experiencing distance and not noticing it is where the real dangers lie. I think you and Donald are doing yourselves a great service by leaving those lines of communication open and accessible.<br />Great post! =<br />Mindy<br />www.thesuburbanlife.commindy@thesuburbanlifehttp://www.thesuburbanlife.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6706622696479155515.post-16178883123162332242010-01-29T16:45:15.659-05:002010-01-29T16:45:15.659-05:00Hi Daphne,
I just read through your week's po...Hi Daphne,<br /><br />I just read through your week's posts! WOW...I just love how you put it all out there. The nuts, the bolts, and the guts. <br /><br />I understand being distant and the distantness. It happens when you're apart physically and emotionally. But you have the courage to explore the underlying issues, to have the tough conversations, and you are brave to make mistakes along the way and learn together!<br /><br />Happy Friday!<br />PeggyPeggyhttp://serendipitysmiles.comnoreply@blogger.com